A De-Fi Fairytale

De-fi-fo-fum,

I smell the blood of an English con,

Web3 alive, or Web3 dead,

I'll mine his bones to make my bread,

-The Book of Meta-Verse

Jack has planted a giant beanstalk to offset hit magic beans’ carbon footprint. He continues to insist that his magic beans can be exchanged for fiat beans at any moment, and that he is democratising beans.

You see, up to this point in Fantasy Land, the Fantasy Bean Authority kept control of the beans all to themselves. They didn’t want people using magic beans, despite the fact they are obviously better than real beans, because they would allow for frictionless transfers between fantasy beings.

They would also allow for Rumpelstiltskin Inc to disguise the proceeds of its criminal beans, but that’s besides the point.

Rumpelstiltskin Inc has operations in a surprising array of towns across Fantasy Land. No-one is really sure where its main castle is. All they know is that it’s spinning a shed load of straw into gold for anyone who visits.

Those who paid handsomely for their magic beans, only for them to mysteriously vanish, went to Fantasy Control Agency for help. But alas, the Agency explained, that no guarantee was ever made that the beans would create a beanstalk, giant or otherwise. Even in Fantasy Land, there were limits to its powers.

Those nursing losses were advised to go to the moon. At which point their beans were stolen by a jumping cow, but at least the cow kept a perfectly accurate digital ledger of the bean theft.

Others took pictures of their particularly magical magic beans (and rocks), and told people they could own them too, if they would only give them up a million more magic beans. These pictures have now mostly been consumed by fantasy creatures going hungry due to lack of actual beans.

The rest lived happily ever after. Until Jack learned how to hack into everyone’s magic bean stores, at which point, he ordered people to give him all their actual beans as a ransom, and ruled the kingdom for decades to come.

*Any resemblance to any individuals or companies in the real world is purely coincidental, and incurs no liability on Fantasy Land writers.